Those who know me well know that I have an irrational fear of flying. It's crazy I know and I tell myself this all the time. I swore off flying on my last flight back in July of 2008. We flew back from Pittsburgh and that flight was one of the worst. We had so much turbulence and flew through a serious storm. How my husband put up with me through that flight I still do not understand. As we landed, my eyes filled with tears, I told him I would never fly again. Flash forward to 2010...I just booked tickets to Florida. In my undergraduate Psych Major way I would like to start at the beginning of where exactly my fear started. I remember my first plane ride when I was about 14. We flew to Maryland. It was my first flight and I didn't know what to expect. The flight was very smooth but I was aware of every bump or sound. It drove me crazy. Although, I had a great trip I still had a nagging thought "I still have to get on a plane to go back home." The trip back home, I was ghostly pale and clutching to the seat. Even though it was a great flight! I didn't fly for a while. I managed to muster up the courage to go on a few flights and all uneventful. When we moved to Utah I knew that going home was going to be a must. So I became an avid flyer. I went home for every summer vacation and remember flying to Florida, New York and Hawaii all in the span of a month. I thought I had overcame my fear! Yay. Well, it was just lying dormant waiting to freak me out again. Flash forward to July of 2008. We had tickets to go to Pittsburgh and every fiber of my brain was telling me to stay home and the flight was going to be horrible. I started having small panic attacks and the night before I was seriously contemplating staying home. I had literally made myself sick with thoughts of a horrible plane ride. I did get on that plane and the trip there was fine and we had a great time. However, you know how the trip back went. I really didn't think I was going to fly again. So far I have managed to not.
Now that my impending flight is lingering over my head I'm starting to get that brick on my chest. I know in my head that I will be fine and I will see my family smiling faces when they pick me up. (You better be smiling...Big!)
I don't know really why I am so afraid to fly. It really isn't a fear of crashing or heights. I know I hate turbulence. I know I hate when they close the door and you feel kind of trapped. I really hate take off and landing. I guess it may be a control issue or claustrophobia?
Anyway, I booked the tickets, we are going. I am doing something a little different this time. I'm bringing B. I hope that I am so busy with him that I do not worry about the ride. I have already started...I've never flown with an infant! I'm going to have to research on what I can bring!
I'm not going to let this fear stop me from doing things in life or miss my sister's baby shower. Just from now until the ride, my prayers will now include a part for a safe, smooth plane ride.